Confessions of a Chocoholic afternoon tea at the Podium, Hilton Park Lane

Just when you thought you couldn't beat a champagne afternoon tea, they go and make one for chocoholics, aka, me. The Podium is tucked away in the left corner of the Hilton on Park Lane, and is great for a stop after shopping in Harvey Nicks, or a stroll around Hyde Park. The decor isn't amazing, and the restaurant does need a spruce-up, but the pianist twinkling the ivories in the corner makes for a mellow vibe, and after a glass of cham you won't notice the peeling wallpaper, honest.

The tea menu is extensive, but you can of course have coffee. Sandwiches come as standard with prawns, smoked salmon, egg & cress, cream cream and the obligatory ham. Staff are very obliging and ask which ones you would like, so feel free to be fussy. Sandwiches are served first on their own, after which you are presented with a rather substantial-looking platter of cakes and scones, which come with their own pots of chocolate, jam and clotted cream. Choc-chip scones are a nice addition to the usual fruity and plain versions, and they come served warm so eat 'em fast.

If you have room for more (you're a better man than me) you have a selection of treats in store as you work your way up the tower. Never fear, this is one afternoon tea venue where you're actively encouraged to take home the goodies, in a Bea's of Bloomsbury-style cardboard carrier to show everyone you've been for a really lavish cake-fest.
The middle-layer includes a rather luminous looking battenberg, red velvet and vanilla cupcakes and a linzertorte. Phew, keep going.

If you make it to the top of the tower you slay the dragon. reach a plate made of chocolate which is completely edible and must be some sort of Krypton Factor/Man V Food mash-up test of foodie willpower. Atop the choccie plate is a pistachio macaroon (mmm), a raspberry cheesecake (double mmm), a weird choux bun replete with icing butterfly (no idea) and a space-candy, fizzing sherbet situation in a shot glass with a popping candy ice cream cone sticking out of it. Downright odd. Here's another shot of that so you can appreciate just how out of the box it is:

All in all, a pretty spectacular afternoon tea, and well worth the price, given it includes champagne. You'll need that walk/run around the park afterwards-just don't forget to collect the doggy bag on your way home again.